Focus on what you can change
When it comes to making change it's easy to focus on the big things that would really make an enormous difference in your life.
The harsh reality is that there are things in our life that we cannot control no matter what, and sometimes they’re those big things that are the easiest to focus on. Focus too hard and you may become either a worry wart or control freak.
Worry warts will fret about everything from the cleanliness of the floor and somebody will react to it to what's going to happen with their health in 10 years from now. It's almost as if they believe that by putting all of their energy, thoughts and stress into all the potential worst-case scenarios (that likely won’t happen anyway) will somehow prevent anything bad from happening.
Control freaks on the other hand believe that if they can have enough power over the rest of their lives, including other people, they can somehow stay safe from any bad event.
There’s no use in fighting what you can’t change and Instead we should strive to put our time and energy Into something that won't backfire and create more stress.
Below are 4 questions to ask yourself to rewire your brain so you can stop stressing about things you can't control.
1. What can I control?
Because of how little in life we actually have zero control over, sometimes all you can control is your mindset and how much and where you’re going to try to put your energy when it comes to things that you can control.
If you can create an assessment of things in your life that you've been trying to control that are nearly impossible to control such as how somebody else feels, the behavior of co-worker, or the weather, you'll be much more effective at reducing your stress.
Make a list to remind yourself of what you can control.
2. What am I afraid of?
It’s important to identify your fears. If you're constantly predicting, predicting and predicting (usually about something bad happening)… Are you doubting your ability to cope with an undesirable outcome?
Usually that worst case scenario won't come to pass, and if it does it will likely be much less awful than you imagine. We can get so wrapped up in negative thought patterns that sometimes we allow them to control our lives.
Have you ever asked yourself, "what would I do if this awful event actually happened to me?"
Yeah, maybe you would struggle for a little bit. But I'm willing to bet that there's a good chance you're resilient enough to get past it and rise back to the top. By actually taking a moment to ask yourself that question, you're acknowledging and accepting the fact that you can handle awful things and by doing so you'll be able to put your energy and time and thoughts in more productive areas.
3. What can I influence?
You can't force things to change and to be the way that you want them to be. But it is likely that you can potentially have a strong influence.
But for that to happen you need to be in control of your attitude, your behavior and you're exuding energy - what other people see, hear and feel from you.
Why can't you force anyone to have fun at the company picnic, but you can create the best energy around yourself possible. And when you have concerns about somebody else's choices, share your opinion, but don't become overbearing. You cannot fix people who do not want to be fixed.
Take a moment to think about some of the things that you can influence, even if it’s just slightly. It might have more impact than you think.
4. Am I problem solving, or ruminating?
It's important to note that there's a huge difference between ruminating and problem-solving. By replaying yesterday's events over and over in your head and dwelling on what could’ve gone differently, you're only asking for more stress.
Instead, problem-solving is a better route to take. Even if it could have gone much better, when you're seeking solutions you are seeking ways to prevent problems and increase your chances of success in the future.
If you find yourself stuck in a negative thought pattern and replaying what you should have said instead, change the channel in your brain. By acknowledging that this thought pattern is not helpful you'll be able to take yourself towards an activity that allows your brain to focus on something more productive.
Summary
Scientists believe that we have over 70,000 thoughts per day, most of which are feelings of doubt, fear and discouragement. So with practice you can train your brain to think differently and you will literally rewire those thought patterns To accept that you can't control every situation but you can control your own thoughts, feelings and behaviors
Action steps to take:
Make a list of things that you can control, this will likely end up a list of things that are all about you.
Write down a list of things that you're really truly worried about - give yourself the benefit of the doubt that you can actually handle them!
Determine if you have the ability to influence the things that you’re concerned about or not - if not, then give yourself permission to let it go. The stress is not worth it!
If you find yourself focusing on something that isn't helping you move forward, change the channel in your brain - get up and go for a short walk or do the dishes or high five yourself in the mirror!
If you would like a hand creating a focus on what you can change when it comes to your physical or mental health and mindsets, I’m here for ya!